THE DEER HUNT
 
SATURDAY:
 
1:00 AM        ALARM CLOCK RINGS
2:00           HUNTING PARTNERS ARRIVE, DRAG YOU OUT OF WARM BED
2:30           THROW EVERYTHING EXCEPT KITCHEN SINK IN PICKUP
3:00           LEAVE FOR THE DEEP WOODS
3:15           DRIVE BACK HOME AND PICK UP GUNS
3:30           DRIVE 70 MPH TO GET TO THE WOODS BEFORE DAYLIGHT
3:45           GET STOPED BY COUNTRY SHERIFF
4:00           SET UP CAMP, FORGOT THE TENT
4:30           HEAD INTO THE WOODS
6:05           SEE 8 DEER GRAZING
6:06           TAKE AIM AND SQUEEZE TRIGGER                                
6:07           CLICK!
6:08           LOAD GUN WHILE WATCHING DEER GO OVER HILL
8:00           HEAD BACK TO CAMP
9:00           STILL LOOKING FOR CAMP
10:00          REALIZE YOU DONT KNOW WHERE CAMP IS
NOON           FIRE GUN FOR HELP, EAT WILD BERRIES
2:15 PM        RUN OUT OF SHELLS, 8 DEER COME BACK INTO CLOSE RANGE
2:20           STRANGE FEELINGS IN STOMACH
2:30           REALIZE YOU ATE POISON BERRIES
2:45           RESCUED FROM WOODS
2:55           RUSHED TO HOSPITAL TO HAVE STOMACH PUMPED
4:00           ARRIVE BACK IN CAMP
4:30           LEAVE CAMP TO KILL DEER
4:35           RETURN TO CAMP FOR SHELLS
4:40           LOAD GUN, LEAVE CAMP AGAIN
5:00           EMPTY GUN ON SQUIRREL THAT'S BUGGING YOU
6:00           ARRIVE BACK IN CAMP, SEE DEER GRAZING IN CAMP
6:01           LOAD GUN
6:02           FIRE GUN
6:03           SCORE BULLS-EYE ON PICKUP TRUCK
6:05           HUNTING PARTNER RETURNS TO CAMP DRAGGING DEER
6:06           REPRESS STRONG DESIRE TO SHOOT PARTNER
6:07           FALL INTO FIRE
6:10           CHANGE CLOTHES, THROW BURNED ONES INTO FIRE
6:15           TAKE PICKUP AND LEAVE PARTNER & HIS DEER IN DEEP WOODS
6:25           PICKUP BOILS OVER, HOLE SHOT IN BLOCK
6:26           START WALKING
6:30           STUMBLE AND FALL IN MUD
6:35           MEET BEAR
6:36           TAKE AIM
6:37           FIRE GUN, BLOWS UP BARREL PLUGGED WITH MUD
6:38           SMELL OFFENSIVE ODER EMITTING FROM PANTS
6:39           CLIMB TREE
10:00          BEAR DEPARTS, YOU WRAP GUN AROUND TREE
MIDNIGHT       HOME AT LAST
 
SUNDAY:        WATCH FOOTBALL GAME ON TV WHILE SLOWING TEARING UP
               LICENCE INTO LITTLE PIECES, PLACE IN ENVELOPE TO GAME
               WARDEN WITH CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ON WHERE TO PLACE IT.