The staff here at Verbosity receives
mail all the time asking us, "I want to become a hacker! What do I need
to do?" Well, to be honest, not everybody has the skills to be a hacker.
We certainly don't! But, that doesn't mean you can't look and act the part.
We
have compiled a simple guide that, if followed, will allow anyone to appear
to be the kewlest hacker on his or her block. Please note that these
directions
won't actually give you the necessary hacking ability. However, if carefully
followed, you too can be hanging out with real hackers and throwing
around such lovely vernacular as "getting root" with the best of them.
1. General Appearance
They say clothes make the man. This is certainly the case with becoming a hacker. A pair of khakis and a red, white, and blue Tommy What's-his-name don't cut it in the world of hackers. Your fashion should make a statement--kind of a Laser-Tag meets Michael Jackson's Thriller often works well. Dark leather is a must and flannel shirts can come in handy too.As for your personal appearance, think "gender switch." If you happen to be of the female persuasion, cut off your hair. If you're a guy, let it grow out. Also, style points are awarded for producing dye colors that only the Kool-Aid Man can create. Body-piercing is also a major plus.
2. Choosing an Alias
Everyone knows that hackers have to have a cool, ominous sounding name to strike terror into the hearts of those who seem to need terror struck into them. The first guideline is to pick something kind of evil sounding. Nobody will be impressed with you when they ask, "What do you go by?" and you respond, "KittyBoy." Pick something that sounds mean and nasty like "DarkBlade," "DethSkul," or "BGates."
The second, and most important, guideline is to never (repeat: never) get your nick from a movie or book (i.e. Hackers or anything by William Gibson). That just ain't cool! We don't need anymore AcidBurn's or Count0's. It shows a lack of creativity.
3. Speech
To become a hacker, you have to start speaking the trade terminology. You don't want to sound like a lamer in front of all your cool buddies when they're talking hack. Pick up a few technical manuals and learn a neat word or two. You'll be better for it.Also, hackers like to make up cute little wordplays constantly to amuse themselves and those around them. This especially applies to computer situations. Netscape becomes Nutscrape, CD-ROM becomes CD-BOMB and so forth. Practice these skills to truly sound like a hacker.
4. Writing Style
Writing style is as important to entering hackerdom as is your speech patterns. Step one is to start captitalizing strangely. For example, try cApItAlIzIng All yOUr vOwEls or aLL YouR CoNSoNaNTS. This helps make you look like a pro. It is also important to occasionally substitute a "0" for an "o", a "z" for an "s", and so forth. For instance, it would be entirely appropriate to say, "d0 y0U hAv3 AnY crAckz 4 Kali95?" in hackerdom. Please note, however, that if you start looking for Kali95 cracks, you'll immediately reveal yourself to be little more than a wannabe. There is a distinct difference between real hackers and warez puppies.
5. Lifestyle
The life of a hacker is full of mystery
and intrigue. The same goes
for the life of a hacker wannabe/poser. First, you should surround yourself
with plenty of fellow hackers with which to trade your information.
Of course, try to avoid overly-trendy looking groupings like the small
coven found in Hackers. Prepare to stay up late at night
on "hack-fests," devouring junk food like ramen and microwave
burritos. Then, go
brag to all your hacker buddies about breaking in to some big
corporate network. Sure, maybe all you did was run s-mail on the local
ISP's system, but that's close enough.
6. Machine Needs
Now, the most important part of the computer setup is
the operating system. This is easy to cover: get Linux! Sure, it's full
of obscure commands and isn't anywhere near the industy standard, but
you can telnet from the command line! Pure computing excitement...
It's
pretty hard to deny that the machine is a major part of the hacker.
However, choosing the proper system can be pretty tricky. First, you will
want to avoid the major brands like Gateway, Dell, IBM, and Packard Bell
like the plague. If you insist on having such a "mainstream" machine, at
least drop it into an old, beat-up, generic case. As for power (since
you're not a real hacker), you'll at least
want something that can run
Quake.
| Jess Morrissette |