After a particularly long and tiring night of work at a local department store, I came back to the college and found my bud and verbosity editor Jess Morrissette in the middle of an important summit meeting on the scale of Kennedy's meeting with Khrushchev. After a successful conclusion to the summit, we were not ready to call it a night just yet. So we popped one of the weirdest, most morbid movies I have ever seen into the VCR and sat through an hour and a half of gruesome doings at an isolated cabin deep in the North Carolina woods. After the flick, I was growing hungry despite my sleepiness and made a suggestion that we retire to Perkins for one of their world famous milkshakes.

     It was now approximately 1:00 A.M. After motorvating up Interstate 81 in two cars (myself and the verbosity staff in a Honda Civic and Mandy and Tonya following later in a black Camaro) to the popular restaurant, we sat down and enjoyed our milkshakes. For my part, I spent the whole time in varying states of consciousness but distinctly remember drinking a shake. At 2:15, we paid our bills and made for the cars. Just then, Jess made a motion to make a trip out to South Holston Dam, a local holdover from Roosevelt's New Deal managed by the Tennessee Valley Authority. Against my better judgment, I agreed to tag along (I had no choice since Jess was driving). Once in the car, however, I immediately passed out in a fitful slumber.

     I'm not sure how much time passed but the next thing I remember is hearing Jess say, "...there's a cop! And he's pulling out behind us!" I woke up and took stock of the situation. Much to my chagrin I found that not only was it a cop, but a Tennessee Valley Authority Officer (something akin to the LAPD). Having had a run-in with these guys last spring in a nasty camping encounter, I knew we were in trouble. We proceeded up the hill to the top of the dam, with the TVA cop following close behind Mandy's black Camaro. At the top of the dam next to the parking lot, the ubiquitous blue lights flashed on.

     Mandy, being closest to the cop, stopped in the middle of the road. Jess pulled into the parking lot, but parked close enough to hear the berating which was sure to come. After rolling down the window and turning on the interior light, we listened and laughed as the officer read Tonya and Mandy the riot act. However, Mandy apparently gave a wrong response and the cop reacted most negatively. In fact, he pulled out his night stick and commenced to whacking on the poor girl. Tonya jumped out of the passenger side with a mind to exact vengeance on Robocop. However, she was immediately met and subdued by the black suited SWAT team which had been in surveillance in the nearby woods. In a spirit of bravery and courage, the verbosity staff quickly turned out the reading light and slithered down into the floorboard of the Civic. The sniveling and groveling of verbosity was really a sight to behold. It was left up to me to defend the honor of our feminine friends.

     So, in a scene reminiscent of "The Punisher," I climbed out of the verbose-mobile, pulled out my trusty 5.56mm General Electric Minigun and got involved in one of the most ferocious gun battles I have ever beared witness to. After taking down the SWAT team, I set my sights on the evil cop who started it all, but realized that at least a dozen F.B.I. and Tennessee State Police Helicopters were circling above me with spotlights blazing. I turned and ran down to the edge of the lake with an aim of making a clean getaway. The girls' honor would just have to suffer. After chucking my Minigun, I headed for the water but stopped in my tracks when I saw the ominous black shapes of Federal frogmen rising out of the dark water of Holston Lake. They were armed to the teeth and their guns were trained at me. Having no other choice, I threw up my hands and surrendered.

     After being led back up to the parking lot, I saw the verbosity staff on their knees in front of the TVA cop, crying and pleading for mercy. Tonya and Mandy were lying on the ground, black and blue from the severe beating they had taken. The TVA had reigned supreme this night, and this looked like the end of verbosity. However, Seth made a comment which saved us all. He mentioned that he was an editor of with the magazine. The cop was impressed. Jess then took the cue and admitted that he knew the speed limit was 25 MPH. The cop was even more impressed, but suspicious. After informing us that he was only going to give us a verbal warning, he asked if we had any alcohol. After Jess mischieviously answered "Only milkshakes, sir.", he let us off the hook. After securing verbosity's autograph, he told us to stay as long as we liked and have a good time. The choppers flew off, the frogmen disappeared back into the depths of Holston Lake, and an ambulance came and took away the bodies of the defeated SWAT team. Their demise would be written off as a training accident according to the cop, suitably impressed that I was a pseudo-member of verbosity.

     After the good officer drove away (but not before giving Mandy a written warning for speeding) to fight for law and order, we were left to our own designs. Mandy and Tonya were not particularly happy that verbosity failed to come to their rescue, and this point was reiterated for the rest of the night (and indeed, the rest of the week). After watching a cool meteor shower, we returned back to campus. The time was approximately 3:30 A.M.