Yep...it's that time of year again. It's time for people throughout the Western world to celebrate the coming of a new year by promising to do a whole bunch of things they really have no intention whatsoever of doing. Far be it from verbosity to go against the tenets of Western culture, so here we go with our New Year's Resolutions:
Start using funny-looking tables that only work in Netscape 3.01b6 more often. Finish our interview with St. Jude. Rename the World Wide Web something a little less trendy. Revive The Perculator -- this time with haiku! Pursue our scholarly endeavors more seriously -- or maybe just order a pizza. Get an interview with Tom Clancy. Come up with clever ideas for the following year. Try to insert more vague personal jokes and personally-serving articles to totally revoke any remaining reader interest. Get the best of that dam cop -- our sworn nemesis. Sell verbosity for millions of dollars, buy our own island, and begin genetic experiments to create man/animal hybrids to serve as our unholy legion of the night. Try to mention the Quake guy eating cocktail shrimp again -- it's so darn funny! Update our text archive. Learn all the words to the "Macarena." Get our Quiz Bowl prize from Kyle. Get some results from our ill-fated promotional trip to the computer show. Stop doing that funny "quote thing" with our hands when we talk. Implement more Chevy Chase humor. Three words: Verbosity Victory Tour. Find some better way to indent paragraphs within HTML. Run that religion article we got way back in August. Clean up the office. Get out more often (preferrably, to avoid cleaning the office). Stop referring to our room as an office. Incorporate everything Corey has ever done in his entire life into subdepartments of verbosity. Attempt to create a puppet dictatorship in Exico-may, as part of our ecret-say ot-play. Get mentioned as a pop-culture reference in a Kevin Smith movie. Give away a cool box o'stuff. Secure a simian mascot.
Return that library book I borrowed last year. Get Kyle to return that library book he borrowed that I borrowed. Stop borrowing things. Stop lending things. Make fun of Seth for attempting to learn Pascal. Simplify love-life. Write a deep, meaningful article...without mentioning monkeys. Write the definitive history of James K. Polk...also without mentioning monkeys.
Stop berating people (except when there's a good reason to do so). Start keeping off-line copies of important stuff. Get some sleep. Beat the crap out of some Trekkie. Try Jello Shooters.
Continue learning Pascal. Get an interview with Berkeley Breathed. Memorize more right-wing political dogma. Cobble together enough funds to work my way up to broke. 640x480--hah!
We here at verbosity would like to wish you all a great holiday season and a wonderful year-to-come. Be sure to check us out in '97; we've got some great stuff planned. Stay tuned, true believers...