Here in the 90's, there's nothing more vogue than Slack. You know what a slacker is--it's the guy who walks into all of your classes about five minutes late. He stands outside of the cafeteria every day with a dumbfounded look in his eyes. He's the one that wears the official lumberjack camoflauge--throw him into a Canadian forest with an axe and the plaid would blend right in. He's the one that actually likes Pearl Jam.

What marks a true slacker, though? We here at verbosity have taken the time to compile a few guidelines in order to help you recognize (and even emulate) the true virtues of Slack.


First we'd like to present you with:


The Top Ten Signs
You're a Slacker

10. If you think that coffee and cigarettes are a well balanced meal.
9. If you consider the local dive "eating out."
8. If you don't bathe more than once every 3 days.
7. If you're sporting the ever-so-alternative mustache and goatee combo.
6. You edit a monthly webzine--and still do all the work the night before deadline.
5. If you think 'F' is for "Fantastic" and 'A' is for "Asskisser."
4. If you own a shirt featuring an 80's television show.
3. If you seriously consider yourself part of "Generation X."
2. If you think that Dave Grohl should be ashamed to go on without Kurt Cobain.
1. If the ratio of plaid to solids in your closet is at least 2:1.


And now a word from our resident slacker, Corey.
Yes, they made me do this. I thought I was doing a darn good job serving as a model for this issue, but they still made me sit here and say something. So... I guess I'll give you some hints on how to be just like me. Or something.

Ways to Improve Your Slack Quotient

1. Buy lots of ramen. I mean, lots. If you actually feel the need to eat something -- and you've surpassed your credit limit with the pizza place down the street -- ramen becomes the easiest way to get that good hearty nourishment, short of downing a warm beer.

2. Don't watch TV. Read CNN online instead. That way, you won't know anything of substance... but you'll know it instantly.

3. Wear Vans. That way, when you actually perform some physical activity (i.e., feeding the dog), you'll look smooth -- and also will protect your feet from the shattered ashtray on the floor.

4. If you decide to go to an institution of higher learning, certainly do not major in something where you have to work, such as Elementary Education, or Biology. Choose something really laid back. Like American Studies. Or Peace.

5. Wait until the last minute to get anything -- especially something with a deadline -- done. Actually, you'd be better off avoiding any responsiblity at all... but I've recently learned that it's not always possible...

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